You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
