i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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