The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your face is a jimmy john
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
where are my eyebrows?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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