So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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