I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love you. Go after that dick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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