I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
