I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
