Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
