walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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