it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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