well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize