i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
