Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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