Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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