Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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