waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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