I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
