where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
