I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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