I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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