You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
