Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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