Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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