what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
