you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
