no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
