its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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