I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
