I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think a kid would responsible me up
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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