We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how drunk are you?
Several
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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