checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this just has baby written all over it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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