My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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