I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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