if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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