Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
