yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
