Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
