Your dad touched me again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
