I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
