I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
