i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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