I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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