my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I lost the right to judge tonight
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
