But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
