All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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