just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
