Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
