I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize