Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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