forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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