If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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