Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
