My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
