How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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