I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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