I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
