just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
