Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
