Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
