dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
