I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
