Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
