I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
