mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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