i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize