If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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