I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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