Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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