he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
