True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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