After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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