Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
