And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
