hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
