Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
