why didn't you poke me back
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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