I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize