They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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