remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
