i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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