but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
