Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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