FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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