This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
