The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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