I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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