So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
