If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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