Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
