I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
