Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How's work?
Spinning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
