Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize