broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
