Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
