Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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