I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
