Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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