I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
