Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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